No. 689



The other day I read that Walmart is having a makeover. First, they are taking the dash out of their name, which is going to drive a lot of spell-checks crazy, and next they are completely changing the design of their stores by using different color schemes and softer lighting. What is this world coming to? And what’s more, they are serious about it. They are going to do this instead of building and opening so many new stores. And it’s a nice time to do it, too, especially with the economy being down like it is. Walmart means different things to different people. I have been privileged for the past dozen years or so to sponsor all the Walmart store managers into our Lions Club, a total of six thus far. All good people, and Viola and I buy most of our groceries at Walmart.
While some people may be able to do it, it’s hard not to visit a Walmart store at some time or another. In relation to this, I read something funny a few days ago that should bring a smile to your face. An elderly woman decided to prepare her last will and testament and told her preacher that she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated and second she wanted her ashes scattered in front of the local Walmart store. “Walmart,” the preacher exclaimed, “Why Walmart?’ The woman said, “This way I will be sure my daughters visit me at least twice a week.” That’s not a bad idea when you think about it, with most people being so rushed for time these days. When I make my final requests I doubt it’s going to be along the same lines. However, it wouldn’t hurt to spend a little time thinking about it.
While I am on the light side, a friend sent me several humorous stories that I felt like you would enjoy, especially if you happen to be a senior citizen, or even close to being one. This is the time of life when about all we can do is laugh or smile. You know, old age and senility is not that far apart, and the nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory is not as sharp as it used to be. It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. When it comes to your body, do you know how to prevent sagging? You just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
And here is one that would really be funny if it wasn’t so close to the truth. This elderly man says, “I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92 but, thank God, I STILL HAVE MY DRIVER’S LICENSE.” He went on to say, “These days about half of the stuff in my shopping cart says, ‘For fast relief’.”
And in conclusion, everyone in our Lions Club claps when a member says this, I have been going to the fitness center lately and I relate to this woman when she says, “I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.”
But, back to the important subject at hand. Have you thought any more about your final requests? I have and decided that I just want the Lord to say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” Without sounding mushy, that is really what life is all about. To God be the glory.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Jim Davidson is a public speaker and syndicated columnist. You may contact him at 2 Bentley Drive, Conway, AR 72034. To support literacy, buy his book: “Learning, Earning & Giving Back.”)