No. 654



Over the years I have considered myself to be a straight forward, stand-up-and-tell-the-truth kind of guy. That is when I am not using good, clean humor to make a point or just to have a little fun. As a result of my personality, I have never been a big fan of “satire,” which means, “The use of sarcasm, irony, or wit in exposing abuses or follies; ridicule.”
There is a man on television that makes a great living using satire, but because I don’t watch him, except on rare occasions, I can’t even tell you his name. However, satire is often used to make a point, because it causes us to think, and this is the real reason for my using it. The reason I don’t like satire is because quite often it hurts other people, and this is just something I do not enjoy doing.
What I have just shared with you is really a “disclaimer” for something I want to pass along that a Kentucky friend sent me the other day titled, “HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2029.” Here is another disclaimer. The odds are good that I won’t be around in 2029, even though it’s not that far off. Only God knows the future and, unless someone starts a nuclear war, the odds are good that all or most of my children and grandchildren will still be here.
“Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.”
“White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia’s third language.”
“Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.”
“Baby conceived naturally! Scientists are stumped.”
“Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.”
“Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.”
“France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation.”
“Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.”
“George Z Bush says he will run for president in 2036.”
“Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.”
“85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.”
“Average weight of Americans drops to 250 pounds.”
“Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico.”
“Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they can now photograph a women with her mouth shut.”
“Abortion clinics are now available in every high school in United States.”
“Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR, even though gas is selling for 4532 pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.”
“Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.”
“Supreme Court rules that punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.”
“Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.”
“New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by 2030.”
“IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.”
“Florexico voters are still having trouble with voting machines.”
While this piece is “anonymous,” here is the closing tag. Now, send this to whomever you want and as many as you want, then guess what -- NOTHING will happen. No miracles, no money, absolutely nothing, except you might make someone smile.
On a more serious note, here is a headline for today that I would like to pass along, “Hangman’s Army receives $5,000 gift from the will of a lady who passed away.” Jim “Hangman” Ballagh has taken a group of problem, poor, rag-tag kids in the small town of Mystic, Iowa (pop. 600) and instilled pride and good citizenship in them to the point they are a credit to this community.
This story will warm your heart. This past Christmas, the three generals in the army earned a $100 Christmas bonus. One is a girl, 13 years of age, one a boy, 15, and his sister who is 16. They were each instructed to get their $100 bill changed into 10 $10 bills and give them to little kids who were 5, 6, 7 and 8 years old. They were to tell the child that it was real money and to wish them a joyous Christmas. The response the generals received will stay with them forever, as it will stay with the children who received the money. Jim is teaching these kids how to work, how to earn and how to share.
To me, this really sums up a successful life, save one thing: when it comes to Christmas, don’t ever forget, Jesus is the reason for the season.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Jim Davidson is a public speaker and syndicated columnist. You may contact him at 2 Bentley Drive, Conway, AR 72034. To support literacy, buy his book: “Learning, Earning & Giving Back.”)