No. 637



Do you ever feel like your get-up-and-go has already got up and went? This thought came to mind when I read an article a reader sent me a while back. It was titled, “How to call the police when you are old and don’t move fast anymore.” I might add before I share this supposedly true story that it is one of those “Don’t try this at home” stories, because I don’t think your local police would take too kindly to you.
The story goes that George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked, “Is someone in your house?” and he said “no.” Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. George said, “OK,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. “Hello, I just called you a few minutes ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now, because I have just shot them all.” Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to George, “I thought you said you had shot them!” George said, “I thought you said everybody was busy.” I guess old George had a point there, but as I said earlier, I would not recommend that you use this technique to get your local police to respond faster. In most cases they are doing the best they can with available manpower and resources. Personally I have a lot of respect for members of the law-enforcement community, because they are willing to put their lives on the line to protect the rest of us.
While I am on the subject of law enforcement, I ran across another humorous story that I believe you will enjoy, and it has a much different ending. This story, again supposedly true, comes from the Orange County Sheriff’s Office in the great state of Florida. It seems an elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!” The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad.
This lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back seat of the car and got into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get the key into the ignition. She tried and tried. And then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces further down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn’t stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter where four men, white as a sheet, were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than 5 feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed. The admonition that goes with this story is simply this: If you are going to have a Senior Moment, make it a dandy. And if you will indulge me, there is one more law enforcement-related story that my pastor told several weeks ago that may also bring a smile to your face. I’m sure you will agree that we all need a break from time to time to relieve stress and to keep our perspective in these dangerous and uncertain times. This story goes that the local police chief and a new pastor, who had recently come to town, had become good friends. This friendship grew and soon they began to meet each morning for coffee at the local diner, just so they could spend some quality time together.
One day during this time, a man came running in and said, “Chief, you have got to come quick. There has been a shooting down at the hotel. The chief jumped up and said, “Come on pastor, I may need you.” When they got there, a woman was standing over a man’s body with a gun, still smoking, in her hand. She said, “Oh how I loved you!” Since she still had the smoking gun in her hand, the Chief was somewhat reluctant to challenge her. Once more this woman said, “Oh, how I loved you!” The Chief turned to his pastor friend and said, “What do you think we ought to do?” The pastor said, “I’m going to get out of here before she falls in love with me.”
(EDITOR'S NOTE: Jim Davidson is a public speaker and syndicated columnist. You may contact him at 2 Bentley Drive, Conway, AR 72034. To support literacy, buy his book: “Learning, Earning & Giving Back.”)