No. 292

Here is a question I would like to ask you to ponder for a few moments: do you ever get under a lot of stress? Well, I sure do. Every so often when my schedule becomes so hectic and I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, I get stressed out. As you may know, stress affects different people in different ways. For some of us fatigue is a good indicator along with the feeling of just being burned out. Personally, when I see and feel these indicators I try to get some relief because I have seen first hand what the consequences will be. I can usually take off a few days and go fishing or play golf and before long the old enthusiasm will return.
Something else that helps and has always been a part of my life is humor. When I don’t take myself too seriously and can laugh, relax and have fun this has a way of helping me keep things in perspective. As you can probably guess I get a lot of good humor material across my desk from readers and some of it I can’t use because its off color and I try to use a good deal of discretion in what I share with you. I also try to be very careful in this regard because I know many young people read my column.
The other day a reader sent me something with a note that said, “Thought these might bring a smile.” The subject: The Great Hymns. It’s possible one of these may apply to you. The Contractor’s Hymn...The Church’s one foundation. The Dentist’s Hymn...Crown Him with many crowns. The Electrician’s Hymn...I saw the light. The Golfer’s Hymn...There is a green hill far away. That reminds me of the story of the golfer and his caddie who went out to play a round and after a long time the golfer said to his caddie, “This is the worst course I have ever played.” The caddie said, “Sir, this is not the course. We left that over an hour ago.”
The Gossip’s Hymn...Pass it on. The IRS Agent’s Hymn...I surrender all. The Optometrist’s Hymn...Open my eyes that I may see. The Politicians Hymn...Standing on the promises. The Realtor’s Hymn...I’ve got a mansion, just over the hilltop. The Shoppers Hymn...Sweet by and by. The Tailor’s Hymn..Holy, Holy, Holy. The Weatherman’s Hymn...There shall be showers of blessing.
Now here are some more Hymns that will apply if you speed some time on the highway. If you drive 45 mph...God will take care of you. If you drive 55 mph...Guide me, O thou Great Jehovah. If you drive 65 mph...Nearer my God to thee. If you drive 75 mph...Nearer still nearer. If you drive 85 mph...This world is not my home. If you drive 95 mph...Lord, I’m coming home. If you drive over 100 mph...Precious memories.
And lastly, here are Hymns for people over 40 (you know who you are). The Old Rugged Face...Precious Lord, take my hand (and help me get up.)...It is well with my soul (but my back hurts)...Nobody knows the trouble I have seeing...Amazing Grace (considering my age) ...Just a slower walk with Thee...Count your many birthdays (name them one by one) ...Go tell it on the mountain (and speak up) ...Give me that old timer’s religion...Blessed insurance...Guide me o thou great Jehovah (I’ve forgotten where I parked.)
Well, that’s the end of the hymns and I believe you will agree that last one was a good one to end on. Thinking about these great hymns reminds me of when I was a kid and had a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, I was reared in the back of a restaurant and one Saturday afternoon I ruined my voice cooling chili. Now hopefully in the spirit of this column you know I am just kidding. The reason I’m not a good singer is because I am tone deaf and can’t carry a tune in a bucket. (Jim Davidson is a motivational speaker and syndicated columnist. You may contact him at 2 Bentley Drive, Conway, AR 72034.)